My team leader is undertaking the onerous task of understanding our client/server communication product since the one person who knew it has left. I just overheard in a Geordie Big Brother mickey-taking voice:

Day 45. The server has connected to the agent.
The agent comes to the diary room.

Haha, made me giggle! :)

In other news, to the tune of Green Day: "Time Of Your Life":

"Hey honey, have you gained some weight in your rear end?"
"The dress you wear reminds me of my old girlfriend"
"And where'd you get those shoes, I think they're pretty lame"
"Would you stop talking, cos I'm trying to watch the game"
If you're a man who wants to live a long and happy life,
These are the things you don't say to your wife.

By Tim Hawkins:
youtube.com/watch?v=1IR5HWr9IIw

We have a strange, slightly unhealthy love of guids here. The following is quite a normal geeky conversation in our department:

Well what you do is you look in md_attribute_template.
What was the guid, do you remember?
Was it B869B370 …?
E2BF …?

We have developed this (utterly false) notion of a guid 'mountain' and we talk of them being a scarce resource, like fossil fuels, that are being used up. We talk of buying guids from guid shops, some of which are better than others, and some that sell cheap guids and sometimes give you duplicates. Sometimes we accuse each other of wasting guids, imagining that they can never be used again once they have been generated.

In reality, of course, they are all entirely random, and there is an unfathomably large number of guids available, so the chances of generating the same one twice are unbelievably small!

If you could give me … 15 to 20 of your Earth minutes …
Let's call it … quarter past Friday …

Good morning, it's the guard.

If there is a Ken Wiggins* on the train could he please pop his head out on to the platform? We have your …

…

… We have something of yours.

Everyone on the train laughed! :)

*Name changed for privacy.

I overheard a colleague on the phone. I have no idea what the call was about, but this was the half i could hear:

Always be satisfied with second best. If not third or fourth best.
Aim low.
Have i put you off yet?!
Okay. Bye.

Hahah! :D